Online comics

Not really online anything, except for the fact that I'm typing it here and eventually it will be online...But it's funny. So there. Admittedly biased but if you don't find it funny there's something wrong with you.

From an email passed around work: 

Why do men become smarter during sex?
Because they are plugged into a genius.

Why don't women blink during sex?
They don't have enough time.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don't stop to ask directions

Why do men snore when they lie on their backs?
Because the balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock.

(You're laughing aren't you?)

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties

Why did god make men before women?
You need a rough draft before you make a final copy.

How many men does it take to put a toilet seat down?
Don't know...it never happened.

Why did god put men on earth?
Becaue a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

One day my housework-challened husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

A couple is lying in bed, the man says "I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensititve man?
A rumor.

Dear lord, I pray for the Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

Why do little boys whine?
They are practicing to be men.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

How do you keep your husband from reading your email?
Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.' 

Got this in another email at work.

YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK...

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-galloon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the p urchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

I was a bit startled by the proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusal about  my selections that could have tipped off the drunk as to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly." 

Its the greatest!